just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
