thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
