So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
