At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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