No stitches, just platelets and will power
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
