it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
