He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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