break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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