Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
