I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
