It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
