Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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