she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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