Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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