no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
