i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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