Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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