Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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