ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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