My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
