I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
so much tequila, so little girl.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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