glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
