The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
