In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
