apparently the secret to your success is patron
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
