I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
