when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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