I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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