this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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