i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
