...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
