Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He did a backflip because drugs
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
