Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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