Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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