I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
