She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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