So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
