You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
