She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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