Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
