I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
