you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I checked into jail on foursquare
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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