I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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