last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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