Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
