3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
