if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
