chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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