in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
