I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize