He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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