Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
