Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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