meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Farmville is her only friend.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
