WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
