He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
