just come out here and I will go home with you...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
