ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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