in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
