Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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