just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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