i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Mom said you looked used
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
