Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Randomize
