By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
