well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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