He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
