The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
