i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
