She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's get the cat blown out
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
