When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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